I spend a great deal of time talking to a wide range of leaders about their motivations, beliefs, perceptions, goals and plans. Many have shared with me their deepest challenges, fears or concerns.

But still, I often cannot tell you what someone’s intentions were when they took an action.

There’s a simple reason for this: human beings cannot read minds.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that you know why someone is doing something:

— They’re only looking out for their own self interest

— He wants me to fail

— She doesn’t respect me

This practice is a trap because it almost never matters what someone’s intentions are; it matters what their actions are.

All too often, speculating about the intentions of others goes hand-in-glove with behaviors that are negative and argumentative. It’s something that happens often in bitter negotiations, negative social media debates, and tense inter-organizational disputes. (We seldom waste energy on wondering what someone’s intentions are when things are going well.)

Instead of speculating, deal with the substance of a situation. If someone makes you an offer that seems insufficient, explain why you feel that way in a calm and rational manner. If a behavior or decision is problematic from your perspective, address the behavior or decision directly, not what you presume to be the other party’s motivation. And if you insist on trying to explain someone’s actions, at least make a list of all the possible reasons why the other person might have acted as they did. My guess is you will quickly realize there are many possible explanations, and likely not all of them are as negative as the first explanation that popped into your head.