Are You Beating Yourself Up for No Good Reason?

Many high-achieving professionals—myself included—have a tendency to be needlessly hard on ourselves. Our self-talk can be harsh, far more brutal than anything we would say to a colleague or friend.

For example, at the end of each day, I used to replay in my head almost every conversation with each client; I would critique what I could have said or done differently. At the time, I thought that this was an effective strategy for learning, improving and better serving my clients. In time, however, I came to realize that “what I said” was not the right metric; what mattered most was how each client perceived our work together and its impact.

In other words, it was an effective technique for a while, but as I became more conscious of the cost, I learned to set aside that habit.

I know countless professionals who beat themselves up needlessly; some figure this out and stop, which causes them to find more joy in their work.

If this sounds familiar, I can offer a few tips.

First, recognize the downside of any self-critical behaviors you engage in. If you are sucking the energy out of your weekly routines, then ask yourself what purpose that is serving. Being relentlessly critical doesn’t make you better; in many cases, it has the opposite effect.

Second, look for other ways to either stoke your furnace for motivation or to be in a position to make yourself better and more effective. Pump yourself up, instead of beating yourself down.

Third, pay attention to your behaviors, habits, and self-talk. It’s easy to fall into a routine that feels like you are working hard and being tenacious, but are you truly acting in service of your goals? Release anything that no longer serves your purpose.

Pay special attention to any structural shifts in your business or career, and ask whether those shifts warrant a change in how you treat yourself. Perhaps you have finally managed to put in place a strong leadership team underneath you, and the best thing you could do for them—and you—is to give them a bit more space and yourself a bit more time in the gym or invest in broadening your own skills.

It’s okay to be hard-charging and tough, but we all also need to give ourselves every advantage to succeed (and have a little more fun along the way!)